Wednesday, June 4, 2014

88. "You look like you're ready for the Olympics!"
— homeless man, possibly blind, to Becky on a Monday night

87. "Thankfully, I'm not a vegetable today."
— Miles, on running in the Memphis heat

86. "You have enough money to burn a wet mule in a creek bed in a hurricane."
— Mike, on Kroger salaries

85. "I'm just happy in life that I can afford food."
— Quinto, on Asian takeout

84. "Quinto, goddamn, you could tear up a crowbar in a sandbox."
— Mike, on boat etiquette

83. "Have you ever killed anybody?"
— Barry, making friends

82. A personality analysis —
Becky: "Barry says I have two modes: 'Oh, I'm the queen! Bow down to me!' And 'Back off, motherfuckers.'"
Kelly: "I can see that. You're like Beyonce. You're the Irish Beyonce!"

81. "I'm doing my best."
— Siri, who was having some trouble finding the nearest McDonald's

80. "None of the Johns do the runs, right?"
— Allie, keeping it all straight

79. Drunkover - adj., "When you wake up drunk but you're hungover."
 — Allie, enriching the language

78. "It's our place! There's nowhere else to go. Even though there are tons of other places to go."
— Allie, summing up our bar

77. "Weird...I thought we were the only people who brought computers here..."
— Allie, on work nights at Slider

76.  "Aldo says I have the best side work of anyone."
— Barry, on birthdays

75.  "That was a good episode of Slider Inn."
— Miles, on an old-school Thursday

74.  "He's just stirring up Barry-ness."
— Becky, dismissively, at some bar

73.  "I always keep some in the van in case I have to make a citizen's arrest."
—  Aldo Sr., jack of all trades

72.  On life in 2015 —
Becky:  "Fifteen years ago was, like...the year 2000!"
Allie:  "What?  No, it wasn't!"

71.  "I'm pretty sure that family is a cult."
— Allie, people-watching at the Shell

70.  "Is this regular drama or Becky drama?"
— Hawaii Joe, keeping it real for the new class

69.  "You're as cute as that Bud Light you're drinking."
— Slider pickup lines

68.  "Tastes like unemployment."
— Becky, flashing back with a High Life

67. On the champagne of beers —
Miles:  "Is that an eagle or a dragon?"
Jordan:  "Yes."

66.  "Music is good."
— Becky, #profoundthoughts

65.  "I don't think I've had a long run shorter than 15 miles since March."
— John P., runner party small talk

64.  At Schweinehaus —
Miles:  "The girl who was at Frankapalooza two years ago..."
Sean (interrupting):  "I don't know what any of that means."

63.  "I don't think of it as your actual age.  I think of it as how much life has crushed your soul."
— Bryan, explaining that app that tells you how old you are

62.  "I want to drink where the people drink."
— Becky, on choosing pub crawl stops

61.  "I wonder if she's done any coke today."
— Allie, asking the pertinent questions

60.  People-watching —
Becky:  "She's getting a little tipsy."
Barry:  "Well, if you're going to fuck your grandkid..."

59.  "Becky, you do attract a wide range of men."
— Molly, because it's Sunday

58.  "Molly, you're as cool as your hair."
 — Barry, speaking the truth

57.  "I just ran the Memphis marathon backwards."
 — Miles, on the drunk alphabet

56.  "Wow, that's a real-life leprechaun!"
— Francesca, identifying a Slider sub-species on Paddy's Day

55.  On the Grizzlies —
Becky:  "Eight seconds to go and we're down by 3."
Molly:  "We've got this."

54.  "So you guys do hang out but you're not wrapping your legs around him?"
 — Molly, getting down to brass tacks

53.  "I do not even want it to be a nudist thing."
— Barry, re Shelby Farms

52.  "Things always change.  Because things never stay the same."
— Becky, human thesaurus

51.  "Oooh!  I love unbearable!"
— Molly, on summer

50.  "Becky and I actually agree on something."
— Mason, on hell freezing over

49.  "Even for Becky?!"
— Molly, incredulous at the "sexiest place on earth" closing for the day

48.  "Give Brother Vince some respect!  If he deserves any damn thing, it's that!"
— FedEx Forum's classiest Grizzlies fan

47.  "So many Johns, so little time..."
— Allie, during Oktoberfest

46.  "I was born at an early age."
— Jimmy, re Star Wars

45.  "I forgot lately that I can wear kids clothes."
— Jordan, on the joys of cardigans

44.  "Fuck the mall."
— Quinto, on women's shopping

43.  "No, you are not tickling me.  That needs to be established right now."
— Jimmurl, to Miles

42.  "We're all different people to different people."
— Becky, philosopher extraordinaire

41.  "You never want to be in a position where a very large woman can pin you with her ass."
— Barry, offering practical advice

40.  "Everyone's full of shit until they're not."
— Quinto, on car sales

39.  "I don't know what the hell you want from me!"
— Gavin, on coming up with good quotes

38.  "I don't know what Becky did in a prior life, but she's sitting back like, 'You dumb motherfuckers.'"
— Barry

37.  On perfume —
Becky:  "It's Allie's signature scent."
Brad:  "What's it called?  Buffalo Juicy?"

36.  "That 30 minutes was the closest thing to tantric sex I've ever experienced."
— Barry, on Clapton and Santana in the 1970s

35.  "Just relax, and let your eyebrows grow."
— Francesca, on manscaping

34.  "You're old enough to be everyone's weird uncle."
— Francesca, re Barry

33.  "I had two drownings last week."
— Allie, on excitement in the workplace

32.  "We should talk about how good beer is."
— Molly, on conversations about time travel

31.  "Attack the head."
— Mike, on the best way to enjoy a Tuesday

30.  Discussing science —
Barry:  "We're just sitting here talking about how we're mostly virus."
[Slider patron]:  "It's cool; I'm sweating like a rapist."

29.  "Aside from killing orphans who live in Rio, this is their national pastime."
— Barry, explaining the World Cup

28.  "Seeing is overrated."
— Quinto, on vacationing

27.  "Where all the big-footed bitches coming from?"
— Cameron, gentleman salesman

26.  "If they weren't born in a manger then you won't date them."
— Jimmurl, on courtship standards

25.  "They should be arrested for impersonating a restaurant!"
— Aldo Sr., gently expressing his thoughts on Applebee's

24.  "You've gotta have a good ho hauler."
— Mason, expert car buyer

23.  "You're the boldest one at this table."
— Jaime, to Becky, making character assessments during Tiki Tuesday

22.  "Sometimes I don't think through my decisions."
— Molly, on the perils of Thursday night

21.  "I think the manager gave up tonight."
— Quinto, on the state of the Slider Inn

20.  "Oh!  I'll be back!  I forgot it's meatball day!"
— Barry, with indecent enthusiasm, on the best part about Mondays

19.  "This is like Slider church night."
— Barry, on Wednesdays being the new Thursdays

18.  "We're dying from our projection of pseudo-perfection."
— Molly, paraphrasing "The Problem with Pinterest"

17.  "Vibrators cured hysteria."
— Allie, on lessons from local theater

16.  "Life should be lived one sip at a time."
— Aldo Sr., on the value of a good Sunday

15.  "That guy can't even decide if he's gay or straight."
— Barry, life coach

14.  "We got drunk and we forgot."
— Allie, summarizing the entire 2013 calendar year

13.  "This didn't come out of a package so I'm not licking it."
— Becky, who regrets the situation called for her to say that

12.  "I hope I'm not a twin."
— Allie, on the pitfalls of calcification

11.  “I always stop at one.”
— Barry, earnestly describing his Fireball intake at the Slider Inn

10.   "Dogs suck.  I mean, they literally eat shit."
— Allie, guidance counselor

9.  “I don’t think doctors understand legs.”
— Adrian, medical critic

8.  “It’s like the hotdogs of alcohol.”
— Becky, re Fireball

7.  “The first time I saw When Harry Met Sally was at Dave Wottle’s house.”
— Allie, #shitrunnerssay

6.  "If you can milk a cow, you can milk anything."
— Devin, on survival in the modern world

5.  “He must be gay; he can’t keep us straight.”
— Allie, on S.O.B.’s perpetually confused wait staff

4.  Master pickup artists —
Allie:  “I just got called ‘sir.’”
Becky:  “I guess the Viva la Juicy isn’t working.”

3.  "Where those little short people got killed by a volcano.”
— Scott, explaining Pompeii to Francesca

2.  “14, 14, 14, 14, 14, 100.”
— Sean, on how aging works in the Asian population

1.  “It ain’t just Asian chicks.”
— Sean, on whom he totes around in his Porsche